There are times when I feel like I have to write about something or I'll die. This is one of those times.

I just finished reading a book called "The Four Spiritual Secrets" by Richard Woodward. It's free. I'm not sure how you can get it, but I can't recommend it highly enough. If I find out how to download it, I'll update this with the info. 

It's a short book, and here are the four "secrets" Woodward is talking about (The "He" being referred to is Jesus):

I’m not, but He is.

And I am in Him, and He is in me.

I can’t, but He can.
And I am in Him, and He is in me.

I don’t want to, but He wants to.
And I am in Him, and He is in me.

I didn’t, but He did.
Because I was in Him and He was in me.

I was praying after I read the book, thinking, "I agree with all of these things, so why do I feel conflict or dissonance when I think about them?"

And then God told me a new name to call Him. Sometimes He does this. It's nothing weird or outlandish, but it's a way that He communicates to me an aspect of His character that I haven't fully grasped before.

He told me that His name is Sufficiency.

That's the crux of what these four statements mean to me right now. I'm sure I'll return to them throughout my life and learn new things, but that's what He's speaking to me right now.

The thing is, I've known for a long time that I don't have what it takes (whatever "it" is). I know I can't handle things. I've known in my mind that God has it all under control. I've even accepted that into myself to some extent. And yet, there's been a disconnect. I've handed things over to Him, only to feel the same old sense of crushing pressure that I used to feel when I was trying to run things myself. Obviously, as much as I had tried to give things to God, I was missing a key component of how to do that. And I didn't know what.

Today, that changed. Today God lovingly opened my eyes to the fact that even though I knew He could run things, even though I've trusted in my mind that He was in control, I've been living with the subconscious feeling that He wanted me to do some things on my own. Without realizing it, I've never stopped thinking Almighty God wanted me to do it myself and stand on my own two feet. In my inner heart, I had absolutely no idea that He really wanted me to depend on him completely. I thought He was telling me to do it myself, when all along, He wanted me to rest on Him in total dependence. He's not like a mother bird trying to push me out of the nest. Far from it. He's a place of total embrace, and He wants me to rest on His willing and total Sufficiency in comfort and trust.

He is Sufficient. That Sufficiency is absolutely and utterly complete, and it's for me. I do not have to depend on myself or my strength for a single thing. Ever. I can rest in complete surrender and complete trust because He wants to be absolutely everything for me. That's more incredible than I have words to thank Him for.

I don't know if this post will mean anything to any of you, but if it does, I'd love to hear your thoughts.