Isaiah 53:4 Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted.
I was just reading a very moving post on Revelife by a girl who was healed of a major spinal problem that had her constantly crying hysterically in pain and near death. She saw an older man appear in her room, and after that she was healed.
Her post made me tear up because of all she had been through and the desperation, because her words hit home. I have never been through anywhere near what she dealt with, but I have cried like that. Once, when I was in the hospital, they gave me the wrong steroid, and I cried all day, basically non-stop. Another time, I spent the night in such agony that I can't even recall it to mind. Just mind-numbing hours of agony and later on emotional torture as I was accused of being a drug addict for trying to get the hospital staff to give me relief from the horrific pain.
I remember asking my mom if God hated me.
The solution is far more complicated. I believe that God feels all our pain. I believe He is there with us every step of the way. Therefore, every time He DOESN'T save us the way we wish He would, He gives Himself even more pain than we endure. He carries our pain along with the pain of an infinitely loving parent whose heart rips when His child suffers. There is no way I or you or anyone can conceive of the amount of pain God carries at any given moment as He lives our lives with us.
I believe this truth illustrates one of the mind-blowingly beautiful mysteries of God. His plans and purposes are SO big, SO beautiful, SO perfect, that the pain is worth it. He knows that if we will hold on to Him, He will some day be able to show us without any shadow of any doubt that every ounce of suffering, the most hideous suffering we ever experienced, was wildly worth it.
He trusts us with the pain.
He hands us the pain and says, "I am giving you this deed, this deed to a treasure that you can't even imagine. I know the paper in your hand doesn't look like a treasure, but if you trust me and wait, I will give you in return a treasure that is so beautiful you will never remember the paper again."
I don't understand why. Heaven knows, I don't understand why. There are some things that are just inconceivable. I never knew that a human being could suffer what I've suffered, and the older I get, the more I realize how many millions of people have suffered far more. I don't know why, but I do trust.
I trust because I KNOW. I know that in order for the pain to be worth it, the reward has to be staggering. I believe God is a meticulous account-keeper. If He allows even a scrap of pain, the reason must be mind-boggling and perfect. If He allows great pain, the reason must be that much more important. (I do not believe God CAUSES evil to happen to us. Not ever. But He does allow it.)
If you tell me the world is random, that these things just happen, I will grant your right to believe that. But I will not agree. I do not serve a haphazard God. I serve a God who allows Himself to endure staggering pain in order to accomplish His perfect purposes.
When I look at the ugliness of the things I've endured, I'm reminded of just how breathtaking the reasons must be.
